A week-end by myself

This week-end, my men went on the seaside. I stayed at home.
For the first time in 26 months I have been alone for a whole week-end (including one night).
For the first time in 26 months Tristan slept without his mummy.
Being a mum is so challenging.
But it is not a challenge for the reason we beleive. The challenge is not our child.
Our child is just the "trigger" that makes us realize what is all about.
Our child makes us be conscient of who we are and who we are not.

The real truth is that maternity is an opportunity to look at our life from a new perspective.
Make a balance. Think a lot. Get depressed. Figure out who you are and what you really want.

But if you don't take care, you will quickly feel overwhelmed and you will draw the false conclusion.
You need time for yourself.

I didn't take enough time for me these last months/years. I have been very tired. Upset. Sad.

So this weekend was a time to think, a time to reconnect, a time to take a step back and get the bigger picture of the situation.

It is weird how you always realize what you've got when you don't have it anymore.

I would like to be able to live the moment and stop worrying.
I know that i am deeply grateful for what i have and what i am. But i just need to remember it from time to time.

One of the things needed to be done was cleaning my desk. I don't know why i let everything accumulate on my desk until it is impossible to work on.

before

and after more than a whole hour of cleaning, throwing, dusting...

I think it is fear. If my desk is clean it means i can work. And not on the computer. But i feel i am not able anymore to take my paint and start doing stuff.
Right now, i wanted to paint but i am writing this post.
Will i be able to enjoy painting again without feeling pressure? Hope so.

Perdonad si no traduzco todo pero tengo que disfrutar de las horas que me quedan antes de que Damien y Tristan vuelvan!
El mensaje global era que es difícil encontrar un balance en la vida, y menos cuando eres madre y no tomas el tiempo de relajarte y mirar las cosas de otro punto de vista. Si te dejas "atrapar" por el torbellino de la vida.
La maternidad es una gran oportunidad para conocerte pero saca tantas cosas a la superficie...Necesitas tiempo para tí.

Y ahora que mi mesa está limpia (no me puedo creer todo lo que había encima!), espero que tendré el valor de sacar mis pinceles de nuevo y volver a disfrutar de la pintura sin presión.

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